My father and I had an interesting conversation the other day...

We were talking about my brother. To avoid unending blah-blah-blah-freakin' blah, I'm going to try to sum up here a bit. My brother is allergic to success. He sets himself up to fail, and then shoots himself in the foot for good measure. Every time. Over and over and over again... and then... he does it again.

Somewhere in there ideas about how life works were being tossed around in context. Is he missing something fundamental? Is it in his raising? One could easily point to all kinds of holes in both places...

But...

I just don't think that explains all of it. It explains some... but there is still something crucial missing. It isn't all nature, it isn't all nurture... it isn't, I think, even in a combination of the two, as my father thought.Those just don't tell the whole story. We're missing a crucial bit.

Choice.

We don't put enough emphasis on this in our country. We point all over the place. It was this, it was that... it was anything and everything around me, but by God it wasn't me.

Really? Then, who, pray tell, was it?

I've known people who can victim-think as if it were a professional sport. Trust me on this. I've BEEN one. There are days I still am one. It's a seductive slope... to point to someone else keeps one from that unpleasant feeling that comes from saying "I screwed that one up." We act as though any one mistake on our part will somehow prove we are just not good enough. As if that makes ANY amount of sense... as if huge amounts of the good stuff in life isn't wrapped up in the land of wrong -- the place where what doesn't work lives. But there you have it... we won't go there... we'd much rather shift the focus elsewhere. Why?
I don't know... I do it all the time, and I watch my kids do it and I want to just scream... WHY are we wasting our time on this ridiculous drama? Just chasing a tail of so much fluff.

I'm not sure what happened to the word "oops" -- or "wow that didn't work, let me try THIS." I really don't... But I do know this... there's something amazing on the other side of those simple words...

Choice. You get to pick again. The very second you see what you chose, and acknowledge that YOU chose it, no one else... you can pick again. No one else did this... so you don't have to wait on anyone else to change it. You're free... right now... to choose something new and see how well IT works.

I think that's the missing thing... the reason two kids from screwed up childhoods have completely different lives... it isn't because one was born with that something, or even that one managed to find a crucial something in spite of their circumstances... it simply boils down to that one magic ingredient... one day they looked around and said "Wait a minute.  I have a choice here.  I don't have to think helpless -- think like a victim.  I can grab this life and drive it."

Now, how does one teach their kids this, pray tell?  It would seem, given my observations thus far, nearly THE most important lesson out there.